And so it begins. (Sort of.)

Christian Michael John LeRoy is my super awesome 5 and 1/2 month old son. He has red hair and the most gorgeous blue eyes I've ever seen. Really, he gets complimented on it all the time. His smile lights up the room, and his laughs are contagious. I can prove it. He's healthy and active and perfect.... and he was born with a bilateral cleft lip and palate.

I found out on my big ultrasound about the clefts. The tech took lots of photos for me and we laughed about how he'd always turn away right when she was about to do something. (a habit that has carried on to this day. That's my boy!) I wanted the sex to be a surprise, but too bad, he flashed me and I knew. Then smiled and said "If the doctor sees something in these that he needs to discuss with you, he'll be in to see you shortly."

As I was cleaning up and adjusting my clothes, my husband and I were chattering excitedly about how awesome the experience of seeing our first baby was when the doctor came in the room. He said there was something he needed to talk to us about, and had us step into another room. Suddenly we were fearful and nervous. I just saw my precious little person on the screen, he looked fine to me, what could be wrong? He came back into the room and explained that it appeared that the baby had what was called a cleft lip and palate. It was bilateral, meaning that it was on both sides. My husband had never seen or heard of cleft lip, I had watched the Operation Smile commercials on TV years ago.

At the risk of sounding like a horrible person, the news was very devastating. I mentioned seeing the operation smile commercials and thinking "Thank goodness that doesn't happen here...." I was only 12 and had no other exposure to it, how was I to know that cleft lip and palate really affects nearly 1 in 600 babies every year? At that moment, my whole life changed, my view of the world changed, and I knew that I had to know everything I could know about this affliction.

There is a plethora of information on the internet about cleft lip and palate. It's very overwhelming to go through it all and try to figure out what all the medical lingo is and it can make you forget that your baby is a baby first, and not his disorder. I wished at the time that there was someone out there who knew, who could tell it like it is, and could answer my questions as a mother and not a medical journal. (Though the medical journals are helpful too.)

Now my only wish is that i had started this sooner and let you follow through with me. Oh well. I'll offer my hindsight and I really hope that my words help you. :) Christian's story isn't about cleft lip and palate, it's about how much I love him and how much I know you love your little one too.